The Car Named Carl
by Ze Dybbuk
Summary: So Carl, Navi, and Ralph Wiggum all set off on a fantastical journey for some reason. And along the way they get hurled into the Jigglypuff Dimension. Is this a problem? Oh goodness, the suspense!


**Author's Note: **Alright listen. Imma admit straight up. This is pretty cracktacular. I'm also not the only one responsible for it. Two friends wrote it with me about (eh? I dunno.) a year ago? And anyway, I just joined this site a lil while ago, and mah dear darlin L100Meganium just reminded me of it and insisted that we toss it to the interwebs. So now, behold and tremble forever in the awesomeness that is _The Car Named Carl.............................................._

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The Car Named Carl

Once upon a time, there was a magical little village called East Flounder Foot. I only say it was magical because occasionally Navi would pop her little fairy head in and demand Link go get her some sticky buns from the local bun shop or something, but actually there wasn't that much magic…Like, the birds weren't magic and the river wasn't made of magical green slushie and the teachers were still weird. There was a Mr. Gouker in this world, too. But he was a gopher so he doesn't count. Oh, and Ralph Wiggum lives here too. And Navi. Navi and Ralph will be major characters in this adventure, which involves Carl the car who isn't magical either. Just saying.

One day Navi, Ralph, and Carl were all chillin' in the stunning non magical tower of Whozowitz. Actually, they weren't actually "chillin'" there, per se, they were kind of being held prisoner there by Mr. Gouker's evil twin cousin twice removed father in law, Mike, who wasn't actually a gopher, but sort of a kind of slime-ball fungus looking thing. With feet! Yes, he was very special. Anyway, Carl really wanted to escape, mostly because he had to find his poor little sand-dust stuffed girraffe named Platyhelminthes, who had been stolen during the usurpation of Navi, Ralph, and Carl by Mike's dastardly henchmen. He was _aaaaaaalllll_ alone now, and Carl was just vomiting with worry, only not really, cuz he was a car.

"Plllllaaatyyyyy!!!" Carl was screaming, engines a'roarin' with fear. "I have to get out of here right now!!!!!"

Navi sighed. "Well, maybe I have a spell that can get us out." She flapped her wings and the entire tower shot up in an explosion of flames and confetti. They blinked. They were the only ones left alive.

"Wow!" said Ralph. "It's raining rocks!"

Carl revved up his engine and Ralph and Navi hopped inside. They were all set to go speeding off towards the Henchman's Inn, only then the wheels slipped on the gooey remains of Mike, and they were sent hurtling off into the ninth dimension—which everyone knows is the Jigglypuff Dimension.

The Jigglypuff Dimension was a place of unspeakable horrors! The ground was puffy and pink and jiggled with every step/flap/…drive they took. The trees were also puffy and jiggly…and the sky…and the rocks…and most of the other stuff too. It was all made up out of live jigglypuffs. Massivley frightening, I know! Anyway, right about when the three of them had come to this startling startlement, all of the Jigglypuffs came alive. And then they went _craaaazy_! Flabby pink fists slammed into them from all sides, and high-pitched shouts of "Puff! Puff!" tormented their tortured eardrums.

"Ahhh! This feels like smacky!" Ralph shouted.

"Navi, can't you doooooooo anything?" Carl asked. Navi shook her head. Her magic was no match for the pinkness.

"We'll have to surrender,then!" cried Carl. "Jiggypuffs, stop! We give in! Take us to your leader!"

This puzzled the nightmarish beings, and after a few murmurs of 'jiggly, jiggly', they brought the three to the Almighty King Wigglytuff.

"What is it you desire? What are you doing here?" Wiggy asked.

Nobody said anything, cuz it just sounded like "wiggly'

"He's talking Wigglepuppy!" said Ralph.

"You understand? Ralph, translate!"

Through Ralph, they explained their dilemna, and the king told them he would send them to the Henchmen's Inn if they found the Subtle Knife for him.

"Oohness! I didn't know the Subtle Knife was around here!" exclaimed Navi.

"Oh, sure," said the Almighty King Wigglytuff, "Will n' Lyra have been stuck here for a couple months trying to find me and kill me. They must have me confused with a different Almighty."

"He says today is Pie Day!" said Ralph.

"A-yuh," Almighty King Wigglytuff continued, "They ain't been real bright about it, either. I think their best attempt was offering me four dollars and a rubber band for my skewered head."

"He says he wants to skewer my head for four dollars and a rubber band!" said Ralph.

"Oh, look, here they come now," the Almighty King Wigglytuff motioned to the retaining wall where Lyra was inelegantly hoisting herself up, clubbing several Jigglypuffs in the head with her feet as she did so. Once she had made it up, she bent over and drug Will up behind her by the scruff of his neck.

"And what do you two want now?" the Almighty King Wigglytuff asked them loftily.

"We still want your head on a skewer. Have you reconsidered?" Lyra asked hopefully.

"No."

"Lyra," Will said acridly, "You're an idiot."

"Yeah?" she huffed, "Well you're a wimp. Who the hell _dies_ just from getting a finger hacked off!?"

"Okay, _firsta _all, I didn't _die_. In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of still here. Oh, and it was _two_ fingers, so-"

"Oh-ho! _Two_ fingers, huh? Well, ex-_cuuuuuuse_ me, Will!"

"Hey," Navi interrupted, "Sorry to have interrupted, but can we have the Subtle Knife, Will?"

Will blinked stupidly. "Uh…K"

"Yes!" Navi thought to herself triumphantly. "Just like that idiot boy I used to follow around, this male has become unable to refuse my commands!"

"Uh," Lyra said intelligently. "Are you sure it's safe to be handing over such a powerful object, Will?"

Will didn't appear to care. He was handing over the Knife to Navi. He wondered vaguely why he felt a sudden urge to have a sword instead. Or at least a Deku Stick. Them things were COOL!

**END STORY.**


End file.
